Tag: religion

say your prayers

4 Comments

An attempt at Barack Obama (but looks a little like Les Ferdinand). Funny, Tony Blair was on John Stewart’s show this week because he’s now teaching at Yale on faith and globalization and he mentioned about how it’s not quite proper for British PMs to talk about their religion, how in the UK it’s a much more personal thing, and yet out here the Pres has to be seen to be worshipping God on every corner (well, let’s face it, it’s to win votes in the Bible Belt).

barry o'bama

That said, Blair could only convert to Catholicism after leaving office, because to do so while in Downing Street would have been a huge political no-no (even now they are still quite sceptical of Catholics in the UK, oh how things have changed since 1688).  Here, however, for all their ‘separation of church and state’ affectations, and for all their ‘freedom of religion’ founding ideals, it is pretty much a given that an atheist will never be President (unless, perhaps, someone chose a ‘token’ atheist as their running-mate to win the God Less America vote). Barack Obama is a Christian – yet it seems people are not convinced that he isn’t a Muslim: just the other day, on NPR, a woman said that she thought he was a secret Muslim, giving her justification as she “just didn’t trust him”. Opinion polls equal democracy here, by the way (to quote Dan Bern). But, what if he were, would it matter? He’d still believe fervently in God after all, same as you Governor Palin. If his faith is the issue, that would clearly not be in question, and if the system the US has is designed such that religion is kept separate from political issues, then again it wouldn’t matter if he worshipped Papa Smurf or Gargamel, it wouldn’t affect his foreign policy. Unless, of course, you actually believe it should. Unfortunately it appears so many do.

Incidentally, came across this blog entry just now, a guy in Alaska who staged a one-man protest against Sarah Palin by simply sitting outside the Alaska governor’s mansion with the sign “Palin Lies” (which, it is becoming increasingly apparent, she certainly does, especially with regards to earmarks). Fair play to the man; unless he means Michael Palin? “No, the parrot’s not dead, he’s just stunned”.

Anyway, that’s my religio-political blogging for the month (and I write this wearing a Celtic shirt). If you want me, I’ll be putting lipstick on pigs to see if they really are still pigs. I don’t know what it means but apparently it’s popular.

Week Twelve: Santa’s Claws

Leave a comment

He has a long white beard, lives in a cave in the North Pole that nobody can find, he has hundreds of splinter cells in major cities around the world, he breaks into people’s houses and leaves unmarked packages about the place, and his elusiveness is causing many to question his very existence. I caught up with the man most Americans know as ‘Santa’ and most Brits call ‘Father Christmas’ recently, and asked him what he thought of the so-called ‘War On Christmas’ raging in the US.

“I’m not very Merry about it,” he grumbled. “For one thing, I’m the one who does all the work every year, sleighing all over the world, going up and down strange chimneys, delivering presents to orphans, but who gets the credit? Jesus! I mean, they don’t call it ‘Claus-mas’, do they?” He went on to complain that not only does America have no National Elf Service, but also has no mince pies. Surprisingly, he also revealed that he hates it when children leave him milk. “Don’t they know I’m lactose intolerant?”

So does he prefer to say ‘Merry Christmas’ or ‘Happy Holidays’? “Holiday? Not for me, mate. Work my woolly hat off, I do.” Santa doesn’t mince his pies. “The whole Holiday Tree thing made me go ‘ho ho ho’, I tell you. Who are they offending? You don’t see Jewish people calling the Menorah a ‘Holiday Candlestick’, do you?” Well, there’s also Kwanzaa, I reminded him. “Oh yeah, Kwanzaa! What is that, exactly? Is it something Madonna’s doing?” Okay Santa, back to bed.

I admitted I wasn’t sure myself, but moved things along, asking him finally what list George W Bush was on this year – ‘naughty’ or ‘nice’. “It’s very close,” he revealed. “I think this one will go right up to Christmas Eve. It could all depend on Ohio.”

Originally posted 12/20/2005

Week Ten: Do They Know It’s Christmas?

Leave a comment

We bought our Christmas Tree at the weekend, just a little one, very inoffensive – or so I thought. Apparently, some people are offended by the term ‘Christmas’ Tree, preferring to use the general term ‘Holiday’ Tree. It sounds trifling, I know, but this debate is gripping the nation. On one side, the anti-religious lobby and political correctionists argue that ‘Christmas’ offends those who aren’t Christian, despite the utter lack of Christian imagery anywhere in Christmas paraphernalia (were there candy canes and reindeer in Bethlehem? I doubt it). On the other, there are the reactionists, who have decided they will boycott stores who fail to use the term ‘Christmas’. Backlash and counter-backlash, as if Santa hasn’t got enough to deal with just working out who’s been naughty and nice.

I bet they are laughing at this in other countries. For one thing, to call it the ‘Holiday’ season is kind of a misnomer – they don’t even get Boxing Day off here. Most people have to go back to work while still under the influence of turkey, unlike at Thanksgiving. Secondly, if ‘Holiday’ is such a safe alternative, how come nobody has realised that its etymology is ‘holy day’? Isn’t that, you know, religious? While we are on the subject why don’t we change the names of the days of the week? I mean, ‘Thursday’, I don’t want to offend people who don’t worship Thor. The whole ‘separation of church and state’ thing here has become so divisive that it has lost all perspective. I don’t know anybody that would seriously be ‘offended’ if I wished them a ‘Merry Christmas’, and not a ‘Happy Holiday’. If I wanted to offend, I could do a lot worse.

We could just call it ‘Yule’. They still do in Scandinavia (cf. Danish ‘jul’). The French seem happy with ‘Noël’, and the Germans are content with ‘Weihnacht’ (‘holy night’). They, from whom we adopted the tradition, call their trees ‘Tannenbaums’. I find it incredible that in American English the word ‘Christ’ should suddenly cause so much offense at this time of year. But I am not American. I understand that this country does have issues where religion is concerned.

Which leaves us with the whole problem of Jesus’ birthday. Those who advocate ‘Christmas’ over Holidays for reasons of the nativity will argue tooth and nail that as Christ’s birthday, it should be named as such. Now I know that the day was chosen by the Church many years ago because it coincided with the holy day of Mithras, celebrated by the Romans. But I never understood why Christians hold so fast to the belief that Jesus was actually born on the 25th of December, when surely (if all years begin from his birth) it should have been January 1st? I tell you, after all this tiring debate, everyone needs a Holiday.

Originally posted 12/6/2005

Week Four: God Only Knows

Leave a comment

I’m considering writing to Apple to market my latest invention – the iGod. It’s just like the iPod but specifically built for religious purposes – it’s cross-shaped (useful when you meet vampires and heathens), contains over five hundred Christian rock songs, and is perfect for downloading the latest sermon, or Godcast, from any Church in the world. Furthermore you can use it to automatically register your vote for George W Bush or any other leading Republican, as well as convert other people’s votes for them. I can’t see it being a big seller in Europe, but it might make me my million over here.

God is everywhere in America – you are reminded of this daily. ‘God Bless America’, ‘In God We Trust’, ‘One Nation Under God’ – these are drills every American has embedded in them from a very young age. Ok, the British National Anthem is ‘God Save The Queen’, but God is no more important to most Brits than the Queen is these days. In the US, faith in religion is still a make or break issue – the Religious Right currently holds much political sway. Now I am basing this on my initial observations only, I am not trying to paint an unrealistic picture, but where in England it is usually fairly embarassing to admit your religious bent, people here wear it on their sleeves (and on their bumpers). You would not find a two-minute commercial advertising the new ‘Bible on DVD’, featuring scenes of whole Ned Flanders-like families sitting around the TV grinning inanely as passages from Corinthians are read to them by a soothing mid-western voice, over saccharine vomit-inducing lift-music. But you do here; I saw one last night (right after the Gary Coleman loan advert). Diaries often contain such passages as ‘when I realised God loved me’ and ‘Bible passages that inspire my family’ (I found these in a regular diary in Barnes and Noble that was advertised as a Father’s journal – I don’t think it meant a priest). TV shows hardly ever insult God, even if they insult organised religion. It is almost as if God is American, and to be an unbeliever is to be unpatriotic.

Of course, America was settled by Europeans fleeing religious intolerance. In the case of the Puritans, this meant they were free to cross the Atlantic and be as intolerant as they liked. Nevertheless, the Founding Fathers knew that the power of the Church must never infringe upon State affairs, as was still the case in many older European countries. People who still chant ‘One Nation Under God’ in the Pledge of Allegiance at school still enforce the mantra of Seperation of Church and State. In a nation in which some states have all but reduced the teaching of Darwinian Evolution in favour of Creationism, it is still unacceptable to teach religious education in schools. I find this unbelievable – how are children to learn about Hinduism and Islam and other cultures’ belief systems if not at school? The Discovery Channel? Yet Christianity is still allowed to get in the way of Science. Museums trying to promote Darwinism are up against an education system whose textbooks regularly feature disclaimers concerning the ‘e-word’, the Chicago Tribune reports.

Christianity pervades popular culture here. A new film out soon is being premiered in churches across the land. Called ‘Left Behind: World At War’ it features an Antichrist created by the ‘Global Community’ which burns the White House down and reaks general havoc upon the planet and its environment (pretty much as the White House itself does, I think). Only those who believe in Jesus are saved, “and you don’t want to be left behind”, as a local Santa Rosa priest said in the Press Democrat. Christian Rock is all over the airwaves (and I have noticed something – when you hear a black person sing the praises of Jesus, it sounds good, it sounds cool, but when you hear a white person sing for God with a guitar it just sounds creepy). Political books always bring up God, linking it to this mythical concept called ‘values’, and using God as the ultimate patriotic symbol, like Superman. That cretinous right-wing spokesperson Ann Coulter for one says, on the back of her latest book ‘How To Talk To Liberals (If You Have To)’, that not only is invading other countries and converting them to Christianity admirable, but should be done ‘now more than ever’. Any bookstore will find ten other new books saying the same thing (with another ten accusing the Republicans of stealing God, and even Christmas, from the Left).

However, I’m starting to wonder whether my iGod gadget would be such a good idea. I mean, should we be promoting Apples in America? Remember the bollocking God gave Eve when she chose an Apple over a PC in the Garden of Eden? You should do, if you went to an American school. Let’s learn from our mistakes. Call it Eve-olution.

 

Originally posted 10/25/2005.