Week Forty-Nine: Gold Rush

September 7, 2006June 10, 2010Leave a comment

While this week was laborious for New Labour in the UK, it was Labor Day in the US, a three-day weekend of shopping deals, sunshine and the last-chance for those Americans dictated-to by fashionistas to wear white. The whole ‘don’t wear white after Labor Day’ rule is a mystery to me; what do Ku Klux Klan members do, for example? Asa we enter the autumnal months, as the nights get longer and the heat starts to migrate further and further south, surely it woule make sense to wear more white, as firstly you’d be easier to see by motorists after dark, and secondly when it snows you would be perfectly disguised from the threat of polar bears (not that you get many of them in California).

Having gone across the Yolo Causeway bought my new guitar amplifier, I decided to spend Labor Day in Old Sacramento, where they were having some sort of event celebrating the Gold Rush days, the historic period that pretty much created the State of California as we know it. The old riverside downtown in California’s capital is pretty much the city’s main tourist pull, a collection of old cowboy-era buildings preserved in time, with dusty boulevards and wooden sidewalks. It grew up near the old Sutter’s fort, and these days is officially preserved as a state park. The builidngs mostly house souvenir shops and candy stores, as well as a few decent eateries. The bars are full of paraphernalia – Fanny Ann’s for example is dressed head to toe in old americana such as license plates and old carts hanging from the rafters, as well as a surprising collection of antique British Rail station signs. From the outside they look like old saloons; you half expect some unshaven whiskey-soaked wreck to come flying through the doors and into the horse-trough, followed by raucous jeering and a visit from the sheriff.

For the Gold Rush celebrations, the cobbled roads were covered in dirt, hay and horse-muck and lined with people in Wild-West costume. I felt almost naked not wearing a Cowboy Hat. There were horses and stagecoaches parading all over, mostly carrying packs of young serious-faced children. Tourists crowded outside the saltwater taffy stores to watch wrinkly old gunslingers with names like ‘Doc’ and ‘Earl’ shoot slugs of imaginary justice into weasly villains, much to their whooping delight. I suppose it makes a change from the real-life gun-fights on the streets of parts of south Sacramento. The Wild West never went away down there.

There was definitely a bit of Back to the Future III in the air. The sun was beating down hard, but there was a nice breeze down by the Sacramento river. There’s an old steam-engine that chugs down the waterfront to its terminal in Old Sacramento, a relic of the days when the great iron railroads first united the States of America to its mythical, golden West. On the river itself there is an old sternwheel riverboat, the Delta King, which makes you think more of the slow broad waters of the Mississippi than the rattlesnake west, but then Sacramento is known as the River City. Nearby stood old-time stalls and tents treated tourists to ‘authentic’ blacksmiths, gun-makers and an old Injun practising the ancient native art of making balloon-dogs. I’m glad I wasn’t around in the Old West. Sure there was money to be made panning for gold in tham thar hills, but I just couldn’t live in a historic period where everybody made me think of George W Bush. Hang on a minute, no, I’m confusing the Westworld of the past with the Planet of the Apes of the future.

Week Forty-Eight: Targeting Davis

August 30, 2006June 10, 2010Leave a comment

A storm is brewing, and not in the Caribbean. Proposals are underway for the construction of a brand new Target store here in leafy Davis, a city as famous for its local opposition to big-box commercialism as its lack of places to buy underwear. Battles lines are being drawn, local websites are bubbling with debate, independent stores are running poster campaigns in their windows with the slogan “Don’t Big-Box Davis”. City Council have voted to put the Target debate to the people in the November ballots.The politicos of the middle-class mob are gearing up for a fight, and by all accounts, it is going to get nasty.

The arguments against are, naturally, many. The immediate neighbours are furious that such a store will be built in their back yard, accusing the City of going back on their word regarding zoning laws. Local stores will not be able to compete with one-stop shopping, and will perish, along with the ‘unique’ downtown, going the way of so many American downtowns – floating away to soulless suburban strip malls. The extra traffic and noise will bring pollution and other unwanted nuisances (such as poor people, oh my god!). And the crime! According to Don’t Big-Box Davis, the Target in Elk Grove saw a whopping 49 arrests last year (though apparently in Wal-Mart you can get the same amount for ten bucks cheaper).

For those of you who don’t know, Target is a large store that sells a bit of everything, more upscale than Wal-Mart or K-Mart, rather like an enormous Woolworths with better clothes, more electronics, toiletries, a little food, and furniture you actually might want in your house, and that’s not all. They generally come with huge parking lots, enough space for wide-bottomed SUV drivers, plus a few extras like fast-food joints. They tends to be a bit cheaper than most regular stores because, well, they can afford to be. And people love them. There are a lot of people in Davis who really quite like the idea of having a Target within cycling distance – students, for example, who make up a large proportion of this college town. There really isn’t anywhere downtown where you can buy affordable socks, or toiletries, or electronics, and what is there already has big-box competition in Davis for what it sells; and I won’t pretend they aren’t suffering for it, either. The independent bookstore I work part-time at is still one of the community’s pillars, but the opening of Borders a few years ago juts a short walk away has really hurt. Yet many people feel that the people who will shop at Target are doing so now anyway, the difference being that they have to drive out of town, spending tax dollars that could be better used in Davis (a point disputed by opponents with that wonderful tool, statistics).

In truth this debate feels less like a protest at this particular store than a crusade against large one-stop retailers in general. Despute appearing to be coated in nimbyism, there is a genuine desire to fight the inevitable decline of what people believe to be ‘old’ America, the small-town mom’n’pop stores, the community built upon values and lawnmowers. To be honest, I really don’t think Davis has anything to fear. I have never known a community with such a passion for fighting the corporate totalitarianism that embodies ‘new’ America. It’s one of the things that makes me proud to live here. If the new Target opens, people will shop there, but I sincerely doubt there will be a wholesale abandonment of the downtown area. The Davisites simply won’t let that happen. The war has begun.

Week Forty-Seven: Why Did the Toad Cross the Road?

August 24, 2006June 10, 2010Leave a comment

I saw quite a sight today on the way home. I was cycling up towards the Davis bike overpass, through a little stretch of land absolutely teeming with life – mostly little furry critters which are either gophers or chipmunks (hey I’m not David Attenborogh, I’m not even David Bellamy), but also hares and colourful birds, and I even encountered a snake there once. Anyway I was mumbling nonsensical lyrics to Like A Rolling Stone to myself, when I heard one of the critters squealing. I looked to my left and saw this enormous bird of prey, possibly an eagle (I didn’t happen to have my Audubon field guide on me), lifting this little furry guy from the ground and into the air. It was at once so quick and so slow, like a scene from a Vietnam newsreel of a stranded soldier being airlifted from the jungle. “Cor,” said the hidden Aussie inside me, “it’s nature’s way!” You don’t see that in Burnt Oak, the North Londoner inside me replied, while trying to think of an appropriate joke about Burnt Oak birds.

Davis has some wildlife alright, not least the bright blue birds that look so pretty but wake me up in the morning, and the ducks that strut about the UC campus like Oxford dons, but perhaps its most well-known (and loved) residents are the toads. Most of them reside in a clump of marshland and a scruffy pond to the east of the downtown, and you can hear them singing their little choruses outside local German brewpub Sudwerk of an evening (and who can blame them, at a dollar a beer). But they aren’t famous for that, oh no. Several years ago, when the city erected an overpass to cross the freeway, they had to build right through the middle of the toads’ home. Now Davis residents are famous for not wanting ugly development in their back yard, but the toads just dealt with it like, well, do you remember that game ‘Frogger’?

To avoid mass squashage, the Davisites decided to spend their dollars on a nice tunnel for the poor toads, beneath the road. Nobody told the toads what it was for, however, and they eyed it suspiciously. “Could be snakes in there,” they croaked. “I’ll take my chances on the road.” So to show the toads that the tunnel was safe and serpent-free, lights were installed. “Great!” thought the toads, and all was well until some unlucky sods burnt to death under the heat of the tunnel’s lamps. And then there was the problem of those great big birds swooping down from the sky looking for an easy dinner: they soon wised up to the fact that there was a convenient little hole in the ground that regularly produced pre-cooked meals, albeit a little warty.

This became a big story; even the Daily Show picked up on it, and the Davis toad tunnel became national news, and a bit of a joke. A local author even published a children’s book about the toads (advertised as “a book that will ‘ribbit’ you in your chair”). So the people of Davis, far from disspirited by the toads’ lack of enthusiasm for their tunnel, decided to add to the eccentricity of the project by disguising the tunnel’s entrances with little toad-town buildings, such as a post-office. Now the toads (or even the frogs, they don’t discriminate) can send postcards to all their little toady friends around the world, telling everyone that the humans in their town mean well, but are completely bloody bonkers.

Week Forty-Six: The Dirty Soap Box

August 16, 2006June 10, 2010Leave a comment

Elections are usually held in November in the US, but the campaigning runs almost year-round. Throw the various Primaries into the mix, and it is hard to escape the presence of toothy-grinned candidates and well-polished slogans – but then, we’re all supposed to be interested in this democracy, aren’t we? I’m sure Joe Lieberman, King George’s favourite Democrat, wishes a few fewer people were interested, after a massive turnout of anti-war Americans rejected him in favour of Ned Lamont as the Connecticut candidate (try saying that five times, George). Here in California, this November will see Arnold’s job as Governator up for grabs, along with the various Propositions on various issues, and the biased and misleading television advertising is already in full throttle. Kind of.

The TV spots began a few months ago, shortly before the vote for the Democratic gubernatorial (yes, peculiar word isn’t it) candidate, when Phil Angelides’ clever showcasing of his three daughters helped him fend off Steve Westly’s far-superior hairstyle. Arnold (‘Arnie’ sounds so British) didn’t need to worry about having an alternative Republican contender, and his adverts ran with the friendly, feel-good but uttelry meaningless slogan, “his heart’s in the right place”. Shame his hands weren’t. Well now the two parties have gone head to head once more, with Arnold’s people showing how much Angelides hates the environment and lets the big oil companies do what they want. Seriously, this from the Republicans. “What if Steve Westly was right?” they ask, darkly, telling Democrats that the right person for the job is no longer standing; how that helps Arnold is beyond me. Angelides, on the other hand, really goes for the jugular – showing Arnold as the Terminator, but riding that big motorbike backwards (oh, it’s a metaphor for the State going backwards, thanks Phil). And he says he’ll take money away from the corporations and put it into schools, that’ll learn ’em.

Yes, hardly the nasty quality of vitriole you see in Presidential elections (when real money is at stake, and the Republicans really pull out the stops). The spots this time just make me laugh; one of the most laughable is the one that asks voters to vote “No” on Prop 87, which proposes spending $4 billion on reducing oil and gasoline usage by 25%, researching cleaner ways to produce energy, taxing the oil companies and prohibiting them from passing this back to the consumers. The woman in the ad is at the pump, linking ‘clean energy’ to ‘bureacracy’ and ‘waste of money’ and telling people what they least want to hear – that it will cost you more at the pump. Ok, well let me introduce you to Mr Irony here, my dear, because you are standing there with your great big gas-guzzling earth-destroying SUV. Another ad asks us to Vote No on another Prop because it would mean that your tax money would go to – heaven forbid – hospitals. Like it’s a bad thing. It’s almost as if they want you to vote no for these Props! Their heart really isn’t in it, is it? Perhaps they are waiting for the Big Vote for a new (and possibly female) President in ’08. That’ll give the ad-makers something to sink their teeth into.

Week Forty-Five: Tip Toes

August 8, 2006June 10, 2010Leave a comment

The Cheesecake Factory restaurant in San Francisco gets really, really busy on a Saturday night. If you arrive at quarter to eight in the evening, you will be asked to wait for half an hour, then given an electronic pager, which will buzz when a table becomes available. The staff let you know that it mat take anything up to an hour and a half before you are seated – and, standing shoulder to shoulder with the hungry half of California in the waiting area, you don’t doubt it. It will be almost ten o’clock before you are finally shown to your table, on the breezy patio overlooking Union Square, by which time your stomach will be ready and growling for the enormous dishes this place offers. From then on, however, don’t expect it to be any better – you might wait another twenty minutes for your drinks, another hour for your food, and by the time the cheesecake arrives you will be getting ready for breakfast. It is made all the worse by the fact that other diners around you, and I mean those who were seated after you, are already tucking into their mains by the time your bread arrives, and are pulling out the credit cards while you are still waiting for the server to notice you are finished. At least, that’s what happened to us last week, because we were unlucky enough to have a waitress who, as my mother would put it, lived most of the day in dolly daydream land, wandering about the restaurant as if it were empty. For this reason, we decided to protest in the most effective, if controversial, way possible: we left her no tip.

Tipping is a major part of American culture. When I was a London tour guide Americans who appeared to have paid no attention whatsoever to my rambling stories on the finer points of Regent Street lamp-posts would nonetheless leave me a couple of quid as they escaped the rainy open-top bus. It is something I have naturally taken up myself here, particularly in restaurants, where the common thing to do is to double the tax and there’s the tip. I even tip barmen, who do little more than pour fairly expensive beers and grunt while inspecting my ID to make sure I’m over thirty. The tipping culture here is such that you actually feel guilty if, as we did last week, you decline to leave the extra for what was surprisingly poor service (surprising because this is America, and the level of service you do come to expect is higher than in Europe). This guilt doesn’t only stem from the fear that if you don’t tip, not only will they do nasty things to your food or drink should you return, or that the universe will somehow extract those few bucks from you in some act of karmic vengeance. This guilt stems from the knowledge that many waiters live not off their wages but from their tips, and that the State allows these large restaurant chains to pay below minimum wage for this very reason. Waiting is a very hard job, after all (I know, I did it for many years, often in far more stressful environments than the Cheesecake Factory); but then, waiting until almost eleven o’clock for your food is pretty hard as well.

Now I’m not Mr. Pink, I’m certainly not anti-tipping, but I do see some of the points of the classic argument – why do we tip some people but not others? Why do we leave tips at restaurants but not at fast-food places (where people earn even less in a harder job with arguably more demanding customers), why do we tip bell-boys but not the poor sods who pack our groceries at the store, why do we tip bar-staff in American pubs but not the hardy folk who have to clean the toilets after people have thrown up? The day we went to the Cheesecake Factory we had lunch at a small, unkempt burrito place in Berkeley. The tables were decorated with pictures of famous footballers cut out of Mexican magazines (one had an Arsenal player; I didn’t sit there). The food was incredible, authentic Mexican, and very cheap, but I noticed that nobody was leaving tips, despite the place being reasonably busy. I mean, the service was no worse or better than you’d expect at any burrito bar, in fact I was really quite impressed that the server spoke to me exclusively in Spanish. So as we left I stuck a couple of bucks in the empty but optimistic tip jar on the counter. It probably made little difference, but it showed my appreciation. So when later at a busy, fairly expensive restaurant the waitress gives me my drink twenty minutes after giving my wife hers, with no apology or explanation as to the reason for its lateness, and then continues ignoring us in this fashion for the rest of the evening, then taking away the tip that would have been given automatically is, far more so in the US than in Europe, perhaps the most effective way to express dissatisfaction.

Week Forty-Four: The War on Mosquitoes

August 2, 2006June 11, 2010Leave a comment

Over the past few days Yolo County has exploded into colour, as millions of bright yellow butterflies, some pale like rose petals, some crisp and golden like autumnal leaves, have emerged from their cocoons into the sunlit fields. They have been joined by a sudden burst of erratic dark red dragonflies, which dart about inquisitively with all of the elegance of a supermodel emerging from a Soho nightclub at 4am with a washed-up occasional singer. Their arrival has coincided with the Delta Breeze, the cooler air that has finally ended the recent hot spell, and all is well again for the people of Davis. Or it would be if it wasn’t for the unwelcome appearance of another insect, the mosquito, the bug for whom all these screen doors was made. However it isn’t the mosquito itself that has everybody worried, it is what it carries – the West Nile Virus, which has been discovered on specimens at the UC Davis Arboretum, and many other watering holes besides.

Since arriving poor and hungry in New York in 1999, the West Nile Virus has spread across the United States, eventually reaching California in the summer of 2003. As with all media-driven viruses, cases of West Nile have received far more attention than run-of-the-mill killers such as flu. Needless to say, people are worried, and this week local authorities decided that the only way to combat the mosquitoes was, as seems to be the answer to everything these days, systematic air strikes. No, they won’t be firing rockets into ponds – they are planning two nights of chemical warfare, spraying pesticide from light planes over the entire county. The mosquitoes have not yet released any statement of how they will react to this threat, but expect some serious last-minute biting. So how have the locals, the champions of organic farming, reacted to the prospect of a mass-spray?

Many of the residents are unhappy. One group, Stop West Nile Spraying Now, claims that the decision to spray has more to do with politics than science (davis enterprise). A UC Berkeley study has suggested that, while the spray itself has very little effect on public health (according to officials, at least), it can react with other pesticides to make them far more toxic. All of this may well have economic ramifications for the local organic growers. However there does appear to be a fair bit of support for the spray, largely fuelled by fears of the virus attacking older and weaker folk. While most people who are affected have little or no symptoms, enough people become sick to make people sit up and notice; worse, it is believed that even when death does not occur, some neurological effects may be permanent (CDC).

Of course, West Nile isn’t the only thing keeping people up at night. The impending cloud of Bird Flu has led to organizations planning for the complete breakdown in public services that such an epidemic might bring, while the Yolo County website warns people about the existence of Rabies among local species of bat. Not to mention cautioning hikers about the dangers of Bubonic Plague caught from animals in the Sierra. If the heat don’t kill ya, and the terrorists don’t get ya, and the earthquakes and fires and floods don’t finish you off, the bats and the birds and the bugs and their bites will.

Week Forty-Three: Hot and Heavy

July 25, 2006June 11, 2010Leave a comment

In an attempt to pretend that the current hot spell isn’t happening, I decided to pop down to the twice-weekly Davis Farmers’ Market after work today. It is a market that locals are very proud of, a place for the organic-conscious anti-big-box Davisites, where fresh and expensive fruit and veg rub shoulders with big, sticky pastries and stalls urging people to vote for something or other. It has been a Davis tradition for about thirty years, and no heat wave is going to scare those locals away. I didn’t stay long; for one thing, it’s not very big, and for someone who has lived in France the Davis Farmers’ Market is a pitiful display. Perhaps it isn’t fair to compare it with the markets I used to visit in Aix-en-Provence, but there does seem to be a sort of self-congratulatory manner about the people that shop there. The other reason I didn’t stay is because it was just too hot, and my shirt was feeling as sticky as one of those pastries. It was the eleventh day in a row that temperatures had topped a hundred degrees, and I just wanted to be somewhere cooler. Even in Davis it doesn’t usually get this hot.

It has been reported that at least eighty people have died in California as a result of the current heat wave, most of them elderly. Newspapers and TV stations are advising people to use their air-conditioning, while being mindful that the energy supply is being stretched to the limit right now. If you don’t have it at home, according to the SF Chronicle, you should go to the library, the movies, or the mall (not the Farmer’s Market, then). They also recommend that people ‘cut back on physical activity, such as walking’ – that shouldn’t be too difficult for the more sedentary of Americans (that’s not a dig – I’m becoming one, and my bike is collecting cobwebs; first it was too wet to cycle, then it was because of the allergies, now it’s just too hot). Somebody said to me that you’ve got to treat this heat wave like a Chicago blizzard – just hunker down and wait for it to go away.

It’s a dangerous time, and it’s not only affecting the human population. Thousands of Central Valley dairy cows have died in the high temperatures, and milk production has been hit accordingly. If the situation gets any worse, and the price of milk soars as much as the price of gas, they may have to consider invading Wisconsin. Crops too are suffering, and that doesn’t just affect the Farmers’ Market – California is the bread-basket of America. Power is being stretched to the limit, with the threat of rolling blackouts meaning little to those thousands who are already without electricity in many communities. There doesn’t seem to be any let-up in the blistering weather. With fewer people walking or cycling, perfectly air-conditioned cars are out in force, contributing to the dense, polluted hot Central Valley air. Down in the Bay they have initiated Spare the Air days, and people are being enticed to leave the automobile at home by offering days of free public transport on the BART system. Can you imagine the London Underground being free on hot days? Can you imagine how unbearable it would become? Well it wasn’t all that bearable on the BART, by all accounts, and crime on the network rose sharply on the days when it was free. When will it all cool down?

This weekend, they say. It may drop down to the 90s.

Week Forty-Two: California Burnin’

July 20, 2006June 11, 2010Leave a comment

So you’ve got a record-breaking heat wave back in Britain right now? The weather sites tell me that this weekend, temperatures will reach 111˚F (that’s about 44˚C in old money) in dusty old Davis. In that sort of heat, people won’t need their barbecues, they’ll be able to cook their steak and their corn-on-the-cobs off the pavement (subject to stringent health and safety laws, of course). Down in San Francisco, however, it is forecast to be about 77˚F (22˚C), which is actually fairly warm for the Bay Area. That’s a difference of almost forty degrees, in a little over an hour and a half’s drive. I know where I’m going this weekend.

It’s high summer in California; hot, dry, relentless. Air-conditioners are pumping, while electricity suppliers are urging consumers not to be too wasteful (presumably because they won’t know what to spend the extra massive profits on). In various parts of the state wildfires are burning, causing huge plumes of smoke to drift across the Sierras into Nevada like distress calls. The smoke cloud from this week’s Canyon fire in Stanislaus County was so vast it was visible from space. Firefighters are working overtime to control the blazes, but they know it’ll be a long hot summer. It’s thought that because we had an unusually wet winter, the brush has grown longer and thicker than normal this year. Now that it has been dried golden in the Sun, the thick brush has turned California into a giant tinder-box.

Wildfires have always been a problem for California, as elsewhere. I remember watching the news in Britain over the years, when they would show news of one wildfire or another attacking the hills around Los Angeles (such as the Cedar Fire of ‘03), images of wealthy movie executives watching helplessly as the flames reduced their secluded mansions to ash and insurance cash. One of the worst fires of recent years was the 1991 Oakland Hills firestorm in the East Bay, which killed 25 people and caused $1.5 billion damage. Some of these fires are started by lightning strikes, others by small grass fires that are not contained, and others (as was the Cedar Fire) are started by human beings, be it carelessly or deliberately. Some of them destroy homes and businesses; others destroy some of the oldest and largest trees on the planet.

As if it wasn’t hot enough! I currently have three fans pointed in my direction (that’s already more than Cristiano Ronaldo has), and have had several trips to the fridge to get Sobes, sodas, cold water, Sudwerk beer. I may move on to artificially flavoured popsicles soon, or maybe go for a late evening swim. On the CD player is The Style Council, ‘Long Hot Summer’ (no, really). Clothes indoors are not an option. While my brain thinks only of ways to cool down my body, I keep running into one thought that brings me no end of cheer: at least I’m not on the Tube.

Week Forty-One: I’m Gonna Git You, Soccer

July 12, 2006June 11, 2010Leave a comment

As the 2006 World Cup blasts away into the history books, everybody’s talking about him. Well, a lot of people are talking about him. A bit. And most of them are foreigners. Yet there is a sense that, for a few shining moments, most people in America know who Zinedine Zidane is, that bald French guy who finished his soccer career by head butting an Italian square in the chest. “This is one Frenchie who doesn’t surrender!” Quite. Of course, now it’s all over, and the brief and unusual connection to the rest of the world’s reality has been immediately replaced with all of the arguments of why they don’t like football/soccer here anyway. My eyes were led to an article on the front of USA Today, that acme of journalism (or is it acne?), entitled “Why the United States doesn’t take to soccer.”

The usual arguments are bandied about – not enough scoring, not enough strategy, and what’s the deal with those ties? We want winners! While many Americans – usually of immigrant stock – follow the World Cup with a passion (if no other tournament), most are unimpressed, preferring to stick with what they know. Yet the article threw up other factors for the lack of American interest in the Beautiful Game: “Soccer has roots in Britain,” it states, “which exported the game to its colonies some 150 years ago. Little surprise we just said no.” Even though American Football has its origins in the rules of Rugby Union that came from, yup, Britain (source 1, 2). Another myth that the Brits for one love to uphold is that ‘soccer’ is an Americanism, yet it originated in the English press at the end of the last century as a shortening of ‘association football’, to prevent confusion with the pick-the-ball-up variety. The century-and-a-half argument between the hand and foot versions of the ball game did assert itself, when a sports pundit remarked that soccer lacked proficiency, and what skills are displayed are as irrelevant as plate-spinning: “God didn’t intend us to use our feet and our heads,” although I suspect he was actually referring to the sport of sitting in front of mind-numbingly bad TV.

‘Un-American’, ‘Not in our DNA’; let’s face it, footy, the US is Just Not That Into You. But I get the feeling that headlines like this are more of an attempt to reassure worried Americans that their traditional culture base is not under threat from the Sport of the Foreigner. Completely bypassing Budweiser-commercial irony, it is even suggested by one supposed academic that the sport might be accepted if they make some American-friendly changes, such as getting rid of those pesky goalkeepers. But it really does come down to what football does best, and that is simple tribal loyalty – you stick to what you grew up with. As long as the media paints soccer as ‘new to America’ and as the sport of the foreigner, people will never have the same attachments to it as their own sports, with their own long histories. History is important to this tribal loyalty, and many Americans don’t realize that their own country’s World Cup history stretches further back than England, and even current champions Italy. The US came joint-third in the first World Cup, and in England’s first ever appearance, in 1950, they lost – yes, lost – to the Americans.

Does the world even want America to be that good at football though? I get the impression outside of the US that football is better off without the ‘American touch’, and that too much American interest could damage the game and turn it into a soulless, corporate-suckling mega-financial madhouse where dollars talk more than loyalty and players care more for massive sponsorships than for trophies (whereas, what we have now, um… ). So why does America always tell itself that it’s on a planet outside the soccer world? It could be because of isolationist issues, let the world do their thing and we’ll do our thing; on the other hand it could be that they secretly want to be on the team, but feel nervous about their chances, not wanting to be the last kid left against the school-yard wall. Before the First World War, the US was not really a player globally, it preferred to be out there on its own. The twentieth century saw America take a centre-stage politically, before ultimately becoming the Brazil of global affairs. If the US takes the same initiatives on the football field as they have on the battlefield, they could dominate (though they’d probably score a lot more own-goals, and you wouldn’t want to be sent off against them, or you may be sent to an off-shore holding camp for ‘red-carded combatants’ ). This, I feel, may be an analogy too far (though I know there’s a joke in there about handing out green cards). Let’s just say for now that you watch football, I watch football, let’s call the whole thing off.

Week Forty: America’s Birthday

July 4, 2006June 11, 2010Leave a comment

I’m glad England doesn’t have a birthday. What would I get it? A World Cup, perhaps? They wouldn’t look after it; they lost the last one, and had to rely on a dog to find it. (Perhaps they should have a dog to manage the team, even a chihuahua would have had the sense to put more than one striker up front.) What’s more, what with the whole ‘United Kingdom’ thing, you couldn’t get a present for England and leave out Scotland or Wales, it really wouldn’t be fair. Still, at least a national birthday would give the English something to do with all those St.George’s flags they took down after Rooney trod on Portuguese balls.

Today was the Fourth of July; in fact it’s on the same date every year. Also known as Independence Day (I think it was named after a famous sci-fi movie; I wish there was a Star Wars Day as well). Over the past few days we have partaken in the barbecues, the cold beer, the discounted shopping, and, tonight, the fireworks. Hundreds (possibly millions, I can’t count in the dark) gathered as the sun set in the Davis Community Park, seated upon towels, deck-chairs or just the plain old grass, as if waiting for the Mother Ship to play them a bit of Jarre. The exploding colours began immediately, accompanied by no music (though local radio stations apparently play a soundtrack you can listen in on with headphones). The funny thing about fireworks is that sometimes, even if you’re unimpressed generally, you feel compelled to say ‘wow,’ and wonder at how the designers managed to get the shape of the explosion just so (well, they’ve had thousands of years to perfect it, maybe millions, I can’t count).

I managed to keep my ‘Independence for whom?’ views to myself as well. I had been a little nervous that, as a Brit, I’d be singled out for attention, them being the enemies in the American Revolution and all. I didn’t feel like getting into the whole thing about me having all Irish ancestry, about California being nowhere near part of the US at the time of the nation’s inception (it wasn’t colonised until much later; in fact, I think it’s about time this colony broke away from King George’s super-empire, those Federal taxes are not being spent as Californians think they should), about the fact it was the colonists and not the colonised who gained independence (it didn’t exactly get better for the Native Americans), or about the fact that most Americans celebrate something that their own ancestors were not part of, because they were immigrants – but that’s getting all messed up in Americana, and the psychology of what defines a country’s self. I’m not going there.

In fact, all I got was a comment on the fact I wore black today. “For us it’s a day of celebration, for you a day of mourning!” It took me a few moments to twig that he wasn’t talking about Beckham standing down as England captain. “But I always wear black,” I mumbled. I think it’s just better to let Americans celebrate their day, cheer for their fireworks, go to their sales, enjoy their barbecues, wave (or burn) their flags; at least they know when they were born, even if they divorced their parents. So Happy Birthday America – look at you, you’re getting bigger every year.