‘cos we only know that there’s gonna be a show

Earthquakes ticket

I forgot to post this when I drew it. Back in July, I went to see MLS outfit San Jose Earthquakes play my team from London, Tottenham Hotspur. It was fun, though a long way. Anyway, I got a phonecall from San Jose Earthquakes this week, which was a surprise. They were just following up on my recent visit to Buck Shaw stadium and wanted to see how my experience could have been improved. Welcome to America folks, seriously, can you imagine English clubs calling up everyone who went to their matches – including away fans – and asking about customer service? (Maybe they do these days?) Incredible, I was really impressed. I had actually enjoyed the day immensely and told the guy so (even mentioned that I cycled which helped me beat the post-game traffic). As for suggestions, I told him to ban Arsenal shirts (that got a laugh). I was going to say they should have gotten rid of their cheerleaders and had Ossie Ardiles sing a few half-time numbers (Ossie had been meeting fans in San Francisco the night before – how I wish I’d been there! As you know he was my childhood hero). Football football football.

all you need is Löw

joachim low

Clearly the most fashionable man in the World Cup (if you don’t include his identikit assistant), German coach and George Harrison c.1965 impersonator Joachim Löw and his team of counter-attacking kids have taken South Africa by storm. They face Spain in tomorrow’s all-important semi-final, having utterly destroyed Maradona’s Argentina, and we all know about what happened against England. No need to mention it again. That was a Löw point.

i know that was then, but it could be again

Well that didn’t last long. England absolutely collapsed against Germany with a catalogue of textbook errors (or a textbook of catalogue errors). I don’t want to exaggerate, but that was the worst display I have ever seen any team play ever. They should just take the next World Cup off and think about what they’ve done. Ok, maybe a little exaggeration.

england badgeMuch is being said about England’s ‘golden generation’ of stars failing to live up to their hype, ‘not as good as they think they are’, ‘over-paid’, ‘overconfident’. I can’t agree with too much of it, but some things were apparent. Rooney was non-existant and clearly unfit, Johnson was sluggish, Terry looked as though he’d never played the game before, Gerrard and Lampard looked like they were playing for two different teams (that’d be Liverpool and Chelsea, not England), and Fabio Capello appeared to be stuck on tactics that worked for him when he played Championship Manager Italia 95, but don’t work against those who play Football Manager 2010. The oft-criticized ‘long Premier League Season’, which is at least two whole games longer than in other countries, is always touted as a reason our players are so tired, but it doesn’t seem to have affected the Premier League’s foreign players such as Carlos Tevez or Tim Howard, who appear sprightly and well up for the big stage. That ‘goal that wasn’t’ was almost irrelevant after they were played off the park so completely. I’m not just gutted, I’m thoroughly disappointed. I am even annoyed about the red shorts.

That said, I am not ready to join the army of smirking and sarcastic told-you-sos who couldn’t wait to gleefully tweet and facebook-update about how England are disillusioned and deserve it because they are overpaid and overhyped (none of the other countries have those types of player, of course), and how England just fundamentally cannot win a World Cup so you chavs on your council estates waving your flags should get real, stop pretending they can. But what do they expect? Really? We’re cynical enough, don’t then tell us we can’t allow ourselves a few weeks of wild almost ritualistic hope. As Rooney would say, for fuck’s sake.

To cheer us all up, here are some facts you might like. England have won the World Cup more times than Germany (West Germany have won it three times, fair enough). Sunday’s win was only the second time the Germans have beaten England in the World Cup finals, the last being in 1970 (if you count the penalty shoot-outs as draws, which they technically are), finally matching England’s two wins over them. the last time they met in a finals, England won 1-0, in 2000. The last competitive match between the two nations, in the World Cup qualifier in 2001 in Munich , in your actual Germany, where England won 5-1 (Germany could only manage a paltry four on Sunday!). To all those who say the rivalry is one-sided and England simply can’t ever beat Germany, it’s not true. It’s just they are usually better than we are against all the other teams.

Truth is, of course England are capable of winning it – they have won it before, albeit a long time ago. Spain have never won it (in fact England have consistently done better at World Cups than Spain), but we don’t say the Spanish are fundamentally incapable . Same goes for the Dutch, even the Portuguese.  No matter what Alexei Lalas says, it is fair enough for the English to believe it’s possible – they have what many other countries consider the best league in the world, and on paper we all know those players have the ability (ok, maybe not Heskey). I do question whether the players on the pitch really believed it. Italy won it four years ago without having the best team in the tournament. Greece and Denmark both won the Euros as the surprise package. If teams stop believing it can be done, we may as well just engrave Brazil’s name on the trophy and give it to them every four years.

everyone’s a winner baby, that’s the truth

england win! usa win! everyone's a winner! (except them what lost)

Except for France (see previous). The World Cup is very exciting now! Apart from the Brazil – Portugal borefest, and for every finale of Slovakia – Italy, you get a finale of Chile – Spain. The second phase begins, with Landon ‘Groupwinner’ Donovan leading the USA against Ghana, and England facing their old nemesis: England v Germany, game on, it’s too early in the tournament but who cares, the World Cup begins (and probably ends) here.

Cartooned quickly in my football journal.

allez les bleus! en est tous ensemble…

domenech

Poor France. Seriously, I feel for their fans. I haven’t always felt so. Back in 2002, I lived in the south of France when they were champions of the World, Europe and the Inner Solar System. Public opinion prior to the Japan/South korea World Cup was that you could have Pele, Maradona, Puskas, Cruyff, anyone out there and France would still win without breaking a sweat. The player’s faces were on every yoghurt carton, every soda bottle, every TV advert; Zidane was a god whose image was omnipresent; and that awfully catchy song by ancient Franco-Belgian pop star Johnny Halliday, “Allez les Bleus!” Such was Gallic confidence, you could buy their shirts with the second golden star already sewn on.

And then they went to the far east, and failed to score a single goal. They came home stunned; nobody could quite believe it. The bubble burst. Never again would the previously soccer-cynical French public let themselves get so carried away with expectation. Therefore, it was a bit of a surprise that they came within a headbutt of winning the trophy in 2006. Even more of a surprise, retrospectively at least, is that the manager that took them so close four years ago is the same one who is so universally reviled now, Raymond Domenech, who I attempted to draw above in my football journal. 

What happened? I recall their pitiful display at Euro 2008, when he held a press conference not to explain the dismal defeats they had suffered, but to propose to his girlfriend. France had no confidence in him, and yet kept him on, knowing he’d be replaced after the World Cup with former player and favourite, Laurent Blanc. They scraped through a qualification play-off, thanks to a Thierry Henry handball, but in South Africa it all went ventre-up. Player revolts, Anelka being sent home, training ground bust-ups – other teams would give their right leg to play in this tournament and this is how they all behave? And then against host nation South Africa, Domenech refuses to shake the opposing manager’s hand. French football is in chaos. The French president himself is demanding answers from this shambles.

“Allez les bleus, en est tous ensemble,” sang Johnny Halliday, “allez les bleus, en est tous avec vous.” Not any more they’re not.

gonna throw it away, gonna blow it away

The World Cup continues; France play embarassingly badly to lose to Mexico, Germany are beaten by Serbia, Spain lose to the Swiss; England on the other hand won a hard-earned point against a well-oiled team that knocked out the reigning African champions and beat West Germany in the World Cup finals much more recently than England did (in 1982). Well done England! It was an effortless display. You made no effort whatsover.

rooney getting sarky

England’s 0-0 draw with Algeria was possibly the worst and least creative display I’ve ever seen from an England team (and boy have we seen some of those!!) And the thousands of loyal fans, very loyal fans, who travelled thousands of miles and spent thousands of pounds to be there for them and bring their band to play ‘the Great Escape’ loud enough to be faintly heard above the drone of the vuvuzelas, they deserved better. They are part of this experience and had a right to boo. I understand Rooney was pissed off at that, slagging the fans off on camera at the end of the match, but he and everyone else appeared too scared to get stuck in and prove why we should be crowned World Champions. Let’s face it, on the evidence we really do not, and I think a lot of the players think that as well. Algeria looked far more confident, imaginitive, skillful. We barely deserved the point. 

Cameroon went out today after a thrilling match against Denmark, and they were much livelier than England. I did a few quick sketches during the match. I like Denmark, but I felt bad for Cameroon. And so as teams get eliminated, the World Cup continues…

cameroon v denmark

whoops!

robert green: doh!

Damn those Vuvuzelas, eh! It’s been a funny World Cup so far, very colourful, ‘early doors’ but not hugely eventful. Oh, er, except for that howler. I would say, after that 1-1 draw with the US, “same old England”, but in the past England had really good goalkeepers (except in penalty shoot-outs, ahem).   

To celebrate the England – USA match, I made a nice English trifle. Kind of appropriate really, ‘cos they played like puddings. Early doors yet though! And I have been trying to sketch during matches (see Uruguay vs France below) – not easy!

uruguay v france

all those oh-so-nears

england 1966

Watching the World Cup warm-ups this week, I saw on the side of the North korean bus something like, “Heroes of 1966, Korea DPR will be victorious!” For those who don’t know, North Korea’s last World Cup appearance saw them beat Italy and go 3-0 up against Eusebio’s Portugal in the quarter-finals (before losing 5-3). My first reaction was, now come on North Korea, let it go. 1966 was ages ago! Get over it, move on, don’t live on past glories. England would never do that, eh!

As kids at school we learnt that the Battle of Hastings was 1066, the Great Fire of London was 1666, and England won the World Cup in 1966. History did apparently happen on other non-66 years, but the England football team winning major tournaments alas did not. Years of Keegan, Lineker, Gazza, Beckham… all those oh-so-nears wear you down. Thirty years of hurt became fourty-four, and I can’t see that we have improved so much that we will be able to get past another inevitable penalty shoot-out, probably against the Germans. (Incidentally, England has won the World Cup more times than Germany. ‘West Germany’ however won it three times…) Still we like to hope, and we have Wayne Rooney.

England open their 2010 World Cup against the USA on Saturday. Hopefully it won’t turn out like the first time they played each other in a World Cup, in 1950. On that occasion, when England first deigned to take part in this silly cup of inferior nations, the seasoned US beat the England of Mortenson, Finney and Wright 1-0. The US team still talks about it even now; come on now, 1950 was ages ago, etc etc…

the greatest

pele

Who was the greatest footballer of all time? And is that the same thing as the best footballer of all time? For most people the default answer is Pele. Even for those who never saw him play, except for a few inventive long shots, a header saved by Gordon Banks and that scene with the tactics board in Escape to Victory, he is the greatest footballer of all time. We trust what they all say; those who watched him know what they’re on about. He did score more than a thousand goals for his club, Santos. He did win World Cups in super stylish fashion, surrounded by a super stylish team, at the time when the TV age was bringing the World Cup to many more millions than ever before. I’m just saying. True, Pele never tested himself in the big European leagues, preferring to stay at Santos where the goal just opened up for him, but he also didn’t live in an age where the multi-million dollar transfer to Real Madrid was absolutely inevitable; unlike so many ‘new Peles’ after him, Santos were able to ‘match his ambitions’. He did live in the age where you went off to the United States for a bagload of cash though (yes Beckham, it has been done before), finishing off his career at New York Cosmos in the NASL, before helping the Allies (along with Sylvester Stallone and half the Ipswich team) defeat Nazi Germany. Can’t get greater than that.

However, I was a kid in the 1980s, so for me Maradona is king, hands down. It’s all subjective. Puskas might have been the best. Stanley Matthews even. If Rivelino, Gerson, Carlos Alberto et al had all been born Ulstermen, George Best may have lifted the Jules Rimet in 1970 in the green of Northern Ireland, and we’d probably all be saying he was the greatest of all time. I’m just saying.

I’m sketching World Cup greats in my football sketchbook in anticipation of the World Cup, which begins next week.

the special one

jose mourinho

The European football season is over; Internazionale, of Milan, are European Champions for the first time since 1965 after beating Bayern Munich. Their manager, Jose Mourinho, has won it with Porto (but not with Chelsea), now with Inter, and it looks like he’s off to Real “we will do anything to win it yet again because we’re, like, obsessed” Madrid.

Drawn in my football journal, which is becoming increasingly manager-centric.