The hype is building here now for the 2006 Deutschland World Cup, and as I write Wayne Rooney’s foot is awaiting the results of its latest scan. Beers are being bought en masse from Tesco, armchairs being moved here and there to find the perfect position in front of the telly, and then there are the flags. I’ve never seen so many bloody flags.

They used to fly the Union Jack (more properly called the ‘Union Flag’; it’s only a ‘Jack’ when it’s on a ship). Now the navy blue has been thoroughly washed away, and only the red cross of St.George remains, and it is everywhere. Our house is probably the only one in the street which does not have at least one giant England flag hanging from the top windows, but some houses are completely decked out, I mean roof to roses in white and red. Cars all over suburban London are flying the flags, looking every bit like diplomatic vehicles (if that diplomacy includes throwing plastic chairs into Belgian fountains).

There are more England flags than I have ever seen. For decades people were afraid of flying it, thanks to the sinister associations it had with the National Front; slowly and surely, that association has been eroded. I hardly saw any in France 98, and for 2002 there were lots out alongside the Union flag, because the World Cup coincided with the Queen’s Golden Jubilee. By 2004, for the Euro in Portugal, the country had completely reclaimed the flag, and shops had cottoned onto this new patriotism in the same way that American shops had done, post 9/11. But this year? Five times as many, without a doubt.

But will they be up for long? Will England get very far, with or without Wayne’s foot? I hope so, of course, but I doubt they have been practising their penalties with too much enthusiasm. England cannot take penalties, and the Germans, unfortunately, can. So therefore I have predicted that England will go all the way to the Berlin final, dispatching Brazil along the way, where they will meet Germany, and it will come to penalties. The deciding penalty will be taken by Wayne Rooney, who will use his dodgy metatarsally-challenged foot, scuffing the ball weakly into scummer Lehmann’s arms. I’m so sorry, everybody. Mystic Pete has spoken. Enjoy the World Cup.